I smile like an idiot when I think about you.
I smile like an idiot when I think about you.
I think of you even when I’m really, really hungry.
I think of you even when I’m really, really hungry.
It’s hard to sleep when your heart is at war with your mind.
It’s hard to sleep when your heart is at war with your mind. Thinking of You.
If every time I thought of you, a star fell, well…the sky would be empty
If every time I thought of you, a star fell, well…the sky would be empty.
My thoughts are free to go anywhere, but it’s surprising how often they head in your direction.
My thoughts are free to go anywhere, but it’s surprising how often they head in your direction.
And my thoughts drift to you.
And my thoughts drift to you.
In case you ever foolishly forget, I am never not thinking of you.
In case you ever foolishly forget, I am never not thinking of you.
I’m lazy, and I know it.
I’m lazy, and I know it.
My bed is my boyfriend.
My bed is my boyfriend.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
There is absolutely no excuse for laziness....
There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.
A drunk man never tells a lie.
A drunk man never tells a lie.
My favorite drink is the next one.
My favorite drink is the next one.
According to chemistry alcohol is the solution.
According to chemistry alcohol is the solution.
To me “Drink Responsibly” means don’t spill it.
To me “Drink Responsibly” means don’t spill it.
I don’t need alcohol to take bad decisions.
I don’t need alcohol to take bad decisions.
You can't photoshop your personality.
You can’t photoshop your personality.
Always love a women for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
Always love a women for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
I have a happy personality with a heavy soul. Sometimes it gets weird.
I have a happy personality with a heavy soul. Sometimes it gets weird.
Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.
Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.
My face is a 4. My personality is 6. So I am basically a 10.
My face is a 4. My personality is 6. So I am basically a 10.
My personality test results came back. They're negative.
My personality test results came back. They’re negative.
Your secrets are safe with me...I wasn't even listening.
Your secrets are safe with me…I wasn’t even listening.
Dear haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at.
Dear haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at. Just be patient.
Seeing a lizard in my room isn't scary, It's scary when it disappears.
Seeing a lizard in my room isn’t scary, It’s scary when it disappears.
You couldn't handle me even If I came with instructions.
You couldn’t handle me even If I came with instructions.
Don't judge me for the choices I make when you don't know the options...
Don’t judge me for the choices I make when you don’t know the options I had to choose from.
Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
People talk about me behind my back and I just sit here...
People talk about me behind my back and I just sit here like “Damn. I got myself a fan club.”
Yes I know there is a real special place in hell for me
Yes I know there is a real special place in hell for me. It is called a throne.
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is...
Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.
Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.
Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.
I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells.
I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing everyday.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing everyday.
Due to the confidentiality of my job, I don't know what I'm doing.
Due to the confidentiality of my job, I don’t know what I’m doing.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5.
What do you call a person who is happy on monday??? Retired.
What do you call a person who is happy on Monday??? Retired.
Don't let idiots ruin your day.
Don’t let idiots ruin your day.
Do your know why birds sing in the mornings??? Because...
Do your know why birds sing in the mornings??? Because they don’t have to go to fuc*ing work.
devil on my shoulder asks: "What the fu*k are you doing?"
Sometimes even the devil on my shoulder asks: “What the fu*k are you doing?”
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five to six times, just to be sure.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five to six times, just to be sure.
Be bold or italic, never regular.
Be Bold or Italic, never Regular.
I've learned so much from my mistakes. I'm thinking of making a few more.
I’ve learned so much from my mistakes. I’m thinking of making a few more.
Monday hates you too.
Monday hates you too.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
Don't give up on your dreams. Keep Sleeping.
Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep Sleeping.
At night I can't sleep. In the morning, I can't wake up.
At night I can’t sleep. In the morning, I can’t wake up.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.