True friends don’t judge each other. They judge other people together.
If you have friends as weird as you then you have everything.
Friendship is about finding people who are your kind of crazy.
Good times and crazy friends make the best memories.
A good friend knows all your best stories. A best friend has lived them with you.
Best friend is a person who opens his mouth just to insult you.
One fake friend can do more damage than five enemies.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
You say I’m dirty minded…But how did you understand what I meant??
I was an innocent being…then my best friend came along.
I’d like to thank: My middle finger for always being there, sticking up for me all those times when i needed it most.
I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Common sense is so rare these days, it should be considered a super power.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has perfect taste.
Shit happens. I mean…Just look at your face.
All my life I thought air was free…until I bought a pack of chips.
Finally figured out the reason why I look so bad in pictures…It’s my face.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Strong people don’t put others down…they lift them up.
I reply in 0.2 seconds or 3-5 business days.
I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times.
Never ever do business with the government. Be in love with them, never marry them.
Hell is empty and all the devils are here.
Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway.
Rule No. 1: Never lose money. Rule No. 2: Never forget Rule No.1.
Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.
What a sad business, being funny!
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.
I will choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.