If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.

If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.

If karma doesn't give you what you deserve, I certainly will.

If karma doesn’t give you what you deserve, I certainly will.

It's called karma, and it's pronounced Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha.

It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha.

Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.

Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.

Dear karma, please be punctual.

Dear karma, please be punctual.

Karma has no problem getting back in touch with you when need be.

Karma has no problem getting back in touch with you when need be.

I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day long and I assume they deserve it.

I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day long and I assume they deserve it.

Karma never loses an address.

Karma never loses an address.

I'm going to sit back and laugh when karma punches you in the face.

I’m going to sit back and laugh when karma punches you in the face.

Karma is like a rubber band. You only stretch it so far...

Karma is like a rubber band. You only stretch it so far before it come back and smack you in the face.

Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.

Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.

Karma is a cruel mistress. --– Kelley York

Karma is a cruel mistress.

- Kelley York
When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I wanna be there just in case it needs help.

When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I wanna be there just in case it needs help.

There is no any cheatcode to overtake your karma.

There is no any cheatcode to overtake your karma.

Karma is when you throw a banana in Mario Kart and you end up slipping on it.

Karma is when you throw a banana in Mario Kart and you end up slipping on it.

Revenge? Naaah...I'm too lazy. I'm gonna sit here and let karma f*ck you up.

Revenge? Naaah…I’m too lazy. I’m gonna sit here and let karma f*ck you up.

A sense of humour is the only divine quality of man.

- Arthur Schopenhauer

In our monogamous part of the world, to marry means to halve one’s rights and double one’s duties.

- Arthur Schopenhauer

Prayers without wine are perfectly pointless.

- Aristophanes

These impossible women! How they do get around us! The poet was right: Can’t live with them, or without them.

- Aristophanes

Comedy too can sometimes discern what is right.

- Aristophanes

Better not bring up a lion inside your city, But if you must, then humour all his moods.

- Aristophanes

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

- Andrew Jackson

Wit is the lowest form of humor.

- Alexander Pope

The gods too are fond of a joke.

- Aristotle

The secret to humor is surprise.

- Aristotle

If a dog jumps into your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.

- Alfred North Whitehead

The point about zero is that we do not need to use it in the operation of daily life. No one goes out to buy zero fish.

- Alfred North Whitehead

Air travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.

- Al Gore
My parents warned me about the drugs in the streets but....

My parents warned me about the drugs in the streets but never the ones with big brown eyes and a heartbeat.

A man without moustache is like a woman with moustache.----Eugene Hütz

A man without moustache is like a woman with moustache.

- Eugene Hütz
If your boyfriend doesn't have a beard, you have a girlfriend.

If your boyfriend doesn’t have a beard, you have a girlfriend.

Why do I grow a Beard? Because I am neither a woman nor a child.

Why do I grow a Beard? Because I am neither a woman nor a child.

Shaving says a lot about a Man. Like, "I'm not one."

Shaving says a lot about a Man. Like, “I’m not one.”

So you don't like my beard? Thats ok, I didn't grow it for you.

So you don’t like my beard? That’s ok, I didn’t grow it for you.

My hair grows and grows; you cannot stop it – that fellow grows, it grows wild.

- A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars’ worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

- Benjamin Graham

Style, like sheer silk underwear, sometimes hides eczema.

- Albert Camus

Alas, after a certain age every man is responsible for his face.

- Albert Camus

It is not your paintings I like, it is your painting.

- Albert Camus

There was a young man who said though, it seems that I know that I know, but what I would like to see is the I that knows me when I know that I know that I know.

- Alan Watts

Just as true humor is laughter at oneself, true humanity is knowledge of oneself.

- Alan Watts

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

- Aesop
I began furiously making lists, and more lists, until I was making lists of lists . . .

I began furiously making lists, and more lists, until I was making lists of lists . . .

- Adam Savage
When you’re thinking that I’m thinking of you, I’m thinking you’re thinking of me.

When you’re thinking that I’m thinking of you, I’m thinking you’re thinking of me.

My thoughts are free to go anywhere, but it’s surprising how often they head in your direction.

My thoughts are free to go anywhere, but it’s surprising how often they head in your direction.

And my thoughts drift to you.

And my thoughts drift to you.

In case you ever foolishly forget, I am never not thinking of you.

In case you ever foolishly forget, I am never not thinking of you.

Lazy people are always busy.

Lazy people are always busy.

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.