Your secrets are safe with me…I wasn’t even listening.
Dear haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at. Just be patient.
Seeing a lizard in my room isn’t scary, It’s scary when it disappears.
You couldn’t handle me even If I came with instructions.
People talk about me behind my back and I just sit here like “Damn. I got myself a fan club.”
Yes I know there is a real special place in hell for me. It is called a throne.
Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing everyday.
Due to the confidentiality of my job, I don’t know what I’m doing.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5.
Don’t let idiots ruin your day.
Do your know why birds sing in the mornings??? Because they don’t have to go to fuc*ing work.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five to six times, just to be sure.
Be Bold or Italic, never Regular.
I’ve learned so much from my mistakes. I’m thinking of making a few more.
Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep Sleeping.
At night I can’t sleep. In the morning, I can’t wake up.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
Due to unfortunate circumstances I am awake.
Just do it!!! But tomorrow…
A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
The biggest step in any relationship isn’t the first kiss…It’s the first fart.
Follow your brain. Your heart is stupid as shit.
Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
Me: I’m finally happy. Life: Lol, wait a sec.
My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.
I came. I saw. I made it awkward.
Life is not a fairy tale, If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
Life was much easier when apple and blackberry were just fruits.
To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.
Never let your friends feel lonely!!! Disturb them at all times.
True friends don’t judge each other. They judge other people together.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
You say I’m dirty minded…But how did you understand what I meant??
All my life I thought air was free…until I bought a pack of chips.
Strong people don’t put others down…they lift them up.
Never ever do business with the government. Be in love with them, never marry them.
To do a great right do a little wrong.
God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway.