Quotes | Sarcasm

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars’ worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

Dear haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at. Just be patient.

Life was much easier when apple and blackberry were just fruits.

I’d like to thank: My middle finger for always being there, sticking up for me all those times when i needed it most.

I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.

Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Common sense is so rare these days, it should be considered a super power.

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has perfect taste.

Shit happens. I mean…Just look at your face.

All my life I thought air was free…until I bought a pack of chips.

Finally figured out the reason why I look so bad in pictures…It’s my face.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Strong people don’t put others down…they lift them up.

I reply in 0.2 seconds or 3-5 business days.

I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times.

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.