Sarcasm Quotes

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars’ worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

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Dear haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at. Just be patient.

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Life was much easier when apple and blackberry were just fruits.

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I’d like to thank: My middle finger for always being there, sticking up for me all those times when i needed it most.

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I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.

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Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.

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Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Common sense is so rare these days, it should be considered a super power.

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Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

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It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has perfect taste.

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Shit happens. I mean…Just look at your face.

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All my life I thought air was free…until I bought a pack of chips.

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Finally figured out the reason why I look so bad in pictures…It’s my face.

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A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

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Strong people don’t put others down…they lift them up.

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I reply in 0.2 seconds or 3-5 business days.

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I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times.

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God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.